I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
