everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize