Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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