I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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