yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
