my phone needs a breathalizer
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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