Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
