i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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