Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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