I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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