glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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