When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
