why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I had to cum in my sink.
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