Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
