bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
