I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
