Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
