i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Randomize
