On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my being single is dangerous.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
