i think my tv is drunk
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
