I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
