explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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