Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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