I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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