i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
