Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
