i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
