Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
