it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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