Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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