I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
