I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
