lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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