Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
