I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
