ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I've blown a few things in my day
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
where does the pee come out of this thing
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
