I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We had sex on a dog bed..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
