I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
