Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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