I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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