Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
