Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
