I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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