I never want to see another naked old woman again.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize