Yo dont text me then not text me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
