i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
