i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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