My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
