I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
