just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
