Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
this hospital has no fireball
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
