I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
whose parrot is this?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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