So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
