Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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