He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize