Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
