Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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