U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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