i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
