found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
