it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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