You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
