She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
