yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
