community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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