I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
