Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
