She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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