I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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